A Teary Day That Never Ends

17 Mar

I try to block it out.  I try to keep busy.  But it won’t go away.   It will never go away.  I think I am doing okay, and then something triggers the waterfall of tears.  Shouldn’t they all be gone by now?  It’s been almost 16 years, but the tears will never be gone.  I look at a picture of my two sons, taken just a few months before Evan died from meningococcal disease.

Evan and Ryan, 1997

Evan and Ryan, 1997

I think, I wish, that I had more pictures.  How was I to know that I missed opportunities to capture the special bond between two brothers who loved each other more than you can believe?  I thought I had a lifetime for pictures, for memories, but I didn’t.  And now, I can’t go back and get more pictures.  I have to live with the memories and what pictures I have.  I share the picture with my daughter-in-law, who never knew Evan.  She is angry that this disease took away her chance to meet her husband’s brother and for her children to have Uncle Evan around.  My husband and I just want our son back, and it will never happen.  My family will never be complete.

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2 Responses to “A Teary Day That Never Ends”

  1. Lisa R. March 18, 2014 at 1:46 am #

    I’m so sorry for your pain. They are both beautiful boys and you should have had a lifetime with both of them. xoxo

  2. harv1941 March 18, 2014 at 10:28 pm #

    Lynn, I know where you are coming from. Mike will be gone for five years in a few weeks. Each year about this time, the emotions start to crest for me. It only gets more so with each baking week. Then on the final week, and on May 9th we have the sense of totally reliving that 24 hours from the afternoon of the 8th to the evening of the 9th when we removed the machines and let him go.

    Take care my friend and know that we are with you and your family in thought and prayer.

    Harvey

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